December 28, 2003

"A more humane Mikado never did in Japan exist" ...

When I'm made Dictator of the Planet, my first proclamation will be to forbid all background music in public places. Maybe with an exception for something quiet and classical. But loud pop music in shops, elevators, shopping malls will punishable by casting-into-volcano.

Especially bookstores! The only bookstore in our neighborhood is a Borders. And it's often a race there to see if I can find something to read before driven away screaming because Borders is trying to raise my consciousness by exposing me to some trendy authentic ethnic South American whatever-it-is. And even if the music isn't hateful in itself, it's impossible to appreciate the charm and flavor of prose with an alien rhythm being crammed into my ear canals. I HATE IT!

I have evil fantasies, where my goons are breaking down doors and dragging the top management of Borders away for questioning. First we will soften them up by locking them into steel trash-cans, and letting an infinite number of monkeys with sticks try to recreate the complete works of Shakespeare by pounding out Morse Code on the cans.

I'm not sure what I'll do to them next. Perhaps I should get in the mood by re-reading that peerless work of SF, Souls in the Great Machine, which tells of an alternate Earth where librarians are powerful leaders, with their own secret police, and firing squads! The perfect fantasy for bookworm types like me.

Posted by John Weidner at December 28, 2003 2:09 PM
Weblog by John Weidner